Simple Gifts
by ChasingRainbows90
Summary: Sometimes a tenuous relationship develops in the strangest of circumstances - and between the most unexpected of people.
1. Chapter 1

**I love strange and somewhat random pairings - and for some reason I was inspired to write this after tonight's episode. As usual I love reviews and am grateful for anyone who reads this. **

"Ms Naylor? Ms Naylor?" Jac heard the soft innocent voice of the young nurse, but she desperately tried to ignore it. She was huddled in the stairwell, nestled within the secure confines of her grey Holby hoodie while simultaneously trying to ignore the war which was being waged in her abdomen. She heard a scuffling beside her as the nurse seated herself. Jac raised her head slightly, looking at the younger woman.

"Can I help you" she asked, her tone acidic and biting. She watched as the young nurse's face fell. She was innocent and naïve, and to an extent that annoyed Jac. The annoyance stemmed from jealousy. She couldn't even remember a time when she had processed those traits, let alone being able to carry them in to adulthood. She couldn't help but wonder, how much easier life would be if viewed through those rose coloured glasses.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok" The young nurse answered, feeling slightly put out by the harsh tone of her senior. But she wasn't going to just leave. She couldn't do that. She could see the pain in the doctors eyes, in the way she was hunched over.

"Well I'm fine" The doctor bit back, drawing in a shuddering breath as a wave of pain swept over her abdomen. She was riding it out. Her painkillers were in her office draw, she'd been fine for so many days she'd been complacent and stopped carrying a strip in her pocket. It was stupid. And now she was stuck here, she didn't want people to see her in pain as she tried to get to the safety of her office, nor did she feel quite up to moving.

"I can tell when someone is lying" The nurse answered, her lips turning downwards in to a frown. It looked out of place on her face. She had one of those faces that was designed to be smiling and happy. Unhappiness looked out of place on her. Jac knew her own face was different, her face was set for sharp, stern looks designed to put the fear of god in to people. The young nurse's face was meant to bring sunshine.

"It's not any of your business nurse Lane" Jac retorted. The nurse shook her head. Normally she would have felt small and weak under the harsh gaze of the flame haired consultant, but in that moment she didn't. She was sure that later on she'd be left shaking by the encounter but right now she felt strong.

"Maybe but I can tell pain when I see it" Chantelle responded, watching as Jac tried to regain control. As her face contorted with pain and then relaxed a little as it lessened. The way she tried to alter her breathing as if she was trying to fight it, pain like everything should have been scared to bother Jac Naylor.

"It's fine" Jac breathed slowly and steadily, trying to sound much calmer than she felt. She couldn't deal with this right now. Sympathy and pity was not something she coped well with, particularly not from this over-grown child. Needing to get away, Jac pushed herself up from the stair, gripping the bannister rail as she tried to gain her balance. She could feel the nurses eyes on her.

Jac turned, trying to escape the gaze. She took a slow step, her grip tightening on the bannister. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to squeeze the pain away. She breathed slowly and deeply. But the strangled cry escaped her lips before she could stop it. The pain intensifying, causing her to bend forward.

"So this is fine?" Chantelle asked, slowly shifting in to a standing position. Gently, she guided Jac back down on to the step, feeling the weight of the consultant against her body. She could feel the resistance in Jac, but still she moved with her. Until they were once again sitting side by side.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'd forgotten I had parts of this written too which is a bit useless of me. Hopefully this is ok :) **

"It's fine for me" Jac whispered eventually, as the worst of the pain passed. She didn't even bother turning to look at Chantelle, as she spoke instead she fixated on looking out the window at the black, starless night sky.

"I could get someone for you" Chantelle spoke softly, "Like nurse Maconie" she added. She watched as a strange emotion passed over Jac's face and for a second she wondered if she'd made a mistake in bringing up her fellow nurse. She tried to think back over the hospital gossip she'd heard, whether they'd been any whispered words about the couple but she couldn't bring any to mind. Her head had been filled with the stress of the case against her, and then the relief that had followed. She hadn't had much space in her head for much else.

"Definitely not" Chantelle could hear the in those words a forced sharpness but a very real sadness. She'd never really had that much contact with Ms Naylor but Chantelle had always felt she was quite a sad woman. Reading people was one of the strengths that Chantelle possessed, although she didn't occasionally feel overwhelmed by the emotions she felt on the behalf of others.

"Aw that's a shame, you too seemed like such a well matched couple" The words slipped from Chantelle's mouth before she could stop them. Sometimes she lost control over her mouth and she often found herself saying things that she really shouldn't. As a child, her parents had found it amusing until it had gotten them in a few sticky situations. As she'd grown, it had become less charming.

"I don't think you are in a position to discuss my love life nurse Lane" Jac responded, feeling the twist of a knife in her heart. It hurt thinking about Jonny. A part of her still ached for him, though his words were never far from her thoughts. The emotions were battling inside of her, the part of her that loved him and the part of her that hated him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know" Chantelle whispered. She sort of liked the two of them together. True she didn't really know either of them properly, but to her they seemed to fit. Jonny complimented her, and she complimented him. They just seemed to work together and it saddened Chantelle to think that they weren't together. It saddened her to see how sad it made Jac that they weren't together.

"Love doesn't seem to be your forte" Jac replied, turning to look at the young nurse. She watched the bemusement play out on her face at Jac's words. Chantelle prided herself on being good at matching people, and of understanding feelings.

"I don't understand" Chantelle mumbled, trying to comprehend what Jac was saying too her. Jac gave the young nurse a small smile. If it had been anyone else, they would have seen the look as patronising, but Chantelle chose to see it as a brief showing of warmth. She preferred to see the best in people. Jac shook her head.

"That little puppy dog who follows you around" she explained. She didn't often venture off of her ward but every time she saw the peppy blonde nurse, the young doctor seemed to be a few steps behind. He seemed to hang off her every word, lapping up any small bit of affection she gave him and looking hurt every time she failed to notice him.

"Puppy dog?" She asked, confused. Chantelle couldn't seem to follow Jac's words, she wasn't aware of being followed. There was Rhys but he didn't follow her around. Sometimes she felt that she was the one doing all the chasing with him. But she liked him and she thought he liked her. Jac was shaking her head again, a look of amusement dancing in her eyes.

"That baby doctor, Diggles is it?" She replied. Chantelle's eyes widened, giving her the look of a deer trapped in headlights. Jac couldn't help but be amused by the reaction. She wasn't sure how anyone could be oblivious to being followed around by someone who was obviously infatuated with her.

"Arthur? No way" Chantelle answered, but thinking back she could sort of see it. The way he acted with her, but she'd put it down to friendship. He was sweet and she liked him but she wasn't sure if there was anything more there.

Jac squeezed her eyes shut, massaging her abdomen a little, though it wasn't the physical pain that had chosen to strike her at that moment. Watching the dawning realisation on the nurse's face, had caused an emotional shift within her and she tried to push it away.


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope this is ok :) **

"Ms Naylor?" Chantelle worried a little as she watched the doctors face contort again. Her own heart was hammering in her chest as she thought about what she'd just been told. She tried to process the information but her mind didn't seem to be able to do it. Sweet, dear Doctor Digby. Just the thought of him, of the way she'd treated him made her feel a little bit sick. She had to have hurt him a little bit, he'd tried to take her out and she'd walked away with another man. Chantelle tried to push it out of her head to concentrate on the doctor in front of her, and not the one who was worming his way in to her heart without even being present. Jac opened her eyes slowly and looked in to the concerned eyes of the nurse.

"It's nothing" She whispered, and in that moment it was true. The pain in her abdomen had settled in to low dull ache, though she didn't trust it not to flare up and batter her again. It was the pain in her heart that was plaguing her at that moment. It was ridiculous, the amount of problems her heart seemed to be giving her because despite her expertise in that area she couldn't fix her own. The heart was a miraculous organ. In it's physical characteristics, she was an expert, when it came to the emotional side, she felt clueless and out of her depth.

"It's never nothing, Ms Naylor" Chantelle spoke quietly but with confidence. Her words sounded wise and at odds with the innocence of her look. Jac blinked trying to clear her head. She knew that the young nurse was right but it wasn't something she cared to admit too. Nothing was far easier to cope with.

"No maybe not" Jac conceded finally. She had spent so much of her life pretending that nothing was wrong. When her mother abandoned her, she'd pretended that she didn't care, that she was strong and independent and that she didn't need anybody to look after her. Abandonment was nothing. As she lost loves, she'd told herself it was nothing. It didn't really matter, she didn't need anybody to love her. As time had passed, she'd told herself that she was better off on her own. That love only resulted in pain.

"Which means it's something" Chantelle replied. Jac sighed deeply. She'd walked in to that one. She should have seen it coming. Normally she wouldn't have walked in to the trap, but looking in to the innocent face of the nurse she couldn't help but wonder if it had even been a trap. There was no malice or trickery in her face.

"Has anyone ever told you that your unlovable, that your unworthy of love?" Jac asked, the words unexpected. She watched as Chantelle tried to make sense of the question, as her mind wandered back over the years of her life trying to fix on a moment when someone had told her those words. The young nurse frowned, her mind suddenly alert, the realisation that this was how the doctor felt about herself.

"No" she admitted finally. She was loved and in return she was loving. Chantelle could see how her life had shaped her, parents who treasured her. The angel child. The grandparents who'd doted on her. Life, for the most part, had been easy for her. It pained her to imagine the way Jac felt about herself. To imagine the life that must have shaped those beliefs.

"Imagine growing up with that belief, having those words whirl around your head never quite letting you forget" Jac spoke quietly, turning to look back out at the inky night. "Imagine, thinking that you didn't deserve to be loved or to have good things happen to you, to think yourself unable to love and feel and when you manage to attempt love, to try to be normal, it all goes wrong and gets thrown back at you" The words tumbled forth from her mouth and she wished she could pull them back in but there was something about the young nurse that made her open up. Chantelle shook her head.

"I" Chantelle started to answer but the words caught in her throat. How could she respond to that? She was rarely at a loss for words but something was stopping her. Jac slowly turned to face her, the hurt glistening in her eyes.

"You're lucky. All you've known is love. You've grown up in this world wanted and loved by those around you" Jac wondered how she would have turned out if she'd lived a life like Chantelle. Would things have worked out differently? Would she have been able to open her rather than hiding everything deep within her.

"But you have love" Chantelle responded, Jac simply shook head.


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope this is ok :)**

"and how'd you work that out?" Jac asked, a vague hint of curiousity in her tone. There was something so surreal about this conversation that she couldn't help but feel just a little bit interested in where it was headed. She could see the hint of amusement dancing in the young nurse's eyes.

"And you think I'm blind to it" Chantelle responded, feeling a little bit guilty as the words left her mouth. She hadn't meant to sound that way but it had just come out. Jac raised a quizzical eyebrow, somewhat surprised. She'd never really imagined Chantelle to have something resembling a backbone. Evidently she'd underestimated her a little.

"How often do I come down to Keller?" Jac asked, trying to switch the conversation away from herself. She didn't particularly want to be discussing love but she wasn't in the position to get away from the stairwell and Chantelle didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave.

"I don't know" Chantelle answered, not quite understanding why the question had come up. She tried to recall the last time she'd seen Jac on the ward but her memory of the last few weeks was still such a hazy muddle that she couldn't recall her. The look of satisfaction settled on Jac's face.

"Exactly, I'm rarely down there and even I noticed Diggles infatuation" She retorted, feeling rather impressed with herself. She wasn't exactly the world's expert on recognising love, or even reading people's emotions so this was somewhat unchartered territory.

"Well that's true" Chantelle admitted, suddenly catching on to Jac's attempts at diverting the conversation away from herself. "But sometimes we can't see what's right in front of us" she added, somewhat cryptically. Jac rolled her eyes.

"Meaning?" She asked, raising her eyebrow higher. Chantelle gave her a small smile which made Jac feel all the more confused.

"Well, I couldn't see that Digby" Chantelle drew out his name to emphasis it "liked me in that way. And you are unable to see what's in front of you" for someone so innocent and naïve, Jac had to admit there was something quite wise about the young nurse. Her look was somewhat deceptive.

"and?" Jac prompted. Part of her was starting to panic. She could feel that Chantelle was getting close to hitting close to home but Jac couldn't quite bring herself to employ her usual tactics. She wasn't sure if it was the pain that had left her stuck here, engaging in this conversation or the somewhat beguiling nature of nurse Lane.

"You looked happier" Chantelle mused, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. It was an act that made her look so much younger. "It's funny isn't it how being in a relationship can change someone? I mean everyone thinks you're this hard cold hearted bitch but somehow you seemed happier, like a little bit softer or something" Chantelle shrugged a little at the word softer. She wasn't sure it was the right word. Emotions flickered over Jac's face. She was used to people referring to her as a bitch, usually it was spoken under their breath as she passed by or after she'd given a particularly scathing comment. But it sounded worse in the sweet tones of nurse Lane.

"Is this actually going anywhere?" Jac asked, biting down on her lip as a wave of pain struck her. She rubbed at her abdomen. She saw the look of concern flick across Chantelle's face but she tried to push that from her mind.

"You and nurse Maconie" Chantelle said finally, she'd switched from twirling the hair around her finger to absent-mindedly braiding it. Jac winced a little, though it wasn't from physical pain. It was strange and painful to hear her name paired with his. It still felt so raw.

"There's no love there" Jac tried to force her voice to sound hard and confident but she heard the shake in the words. Chantelle shook her head sadly, looking away from Jac for a moment. As she turned her head back, she caught saw out the corner of her eye Jac swiping at her eye.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hopefully this is ok. Thank you to any one reading :)**

"There isn't?" Chantelle asked, "You could have fooled me Ms Naylor" Jac raised an eyebrow. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest. She knew that Chantelle could see through her pretence but somehow she just couldn't let it up.

"No there isn't" Jac confirmed, feeling a strange sense of guilt. Chantelle sighed. She was feeling a little overwhelmed by the sadness in Jac's heart and the way in which she seemed determined to lie, even if it meant causing her even more pain.

"Does it hurt?" Chantelle questioned, tilting her head slightly to one side. Jac rolled her eyes a little, thinking that Chantelle was asking about the physical pain that was cause her abdomen to cramp.

"Are you seriously that stupid?" Jac retorted and Chantelle sighed just that little bit deeper, her face crestfallen for a second before she recovered herself. She could tell that Jac was trying to hurt her, only because she was hurting so much.

"Are you?" Chantelle asked, finding herself playing the game. It had struck her that the only way of beating Jac was to join her and, for some reason, Chantelle was determined to get there. She was certain she could get to the heart of the issue and to bring a little bit of light in to the dark world of Jac Naylor.

"Given that I am a consultant, I'd wager not nurse" Jac responded, bitingly. She was waiting for Chantelle to snap and walk away. She knew she shouldn't push people, especially not nice people, but she could help it. She'd spoken similarly to him, shoving her seniority in her face.

"Academically smart maybe" Chantelle's reply was quick but even. There was barely a flicker of hurt in her eyes at having her status thrown back at her. To Chantelle, there was nothing negative about being a nurse. It was a role she loved.

"There's no maybe about it" Chantelle sighed and rolled her eyes a little. She could see what Jac was trying to do, and despite the way her heart was hammering in her chest she was determined to stay strong.

"If you were so smart, then you'd know that Jonny loves you" Chantelle responded, not even bothering to disguise what she wanted to say. Jac needed things in black and white, laid bare in front of her. Jac's eyes blazed.

"If Jonny loved me so much he wouldn't have hurt me" Jac's words came out in a tumbled rush, and she regretted them instantly. They gave Chantelle that little bit more of an insight in to the reality of the situation, "and besides which this isn't your business nurse" she added.

"People make mistakes, besides Ms Naylor, I'm guessing you pushed him fairly hard" Chantelle's retort caused her heart rate to quicken but she knew she had to keep going. She could see the cracks appearing in Jac's armour. From the way Jac's eyes flashed with anger, Chantelle knew she was close to the boiling point. "Because even if you don't want to admit it, you love him too and it terrifies you. It scares you so much that you pushed him until he had no choice but to fight back; to fight fire with fire"

"You think you know so much don't you nurse Lane? You think you understand me and my relationships" Jac spoke softly, her own heart beating hard and fast. She was trying hard not to take heed of the nurse's words, but they were worming their way in to her consciousness.

"No I don't Ms Naylor, I know I'm not to smartest person in the world and I don't pretend to be. I don't claim to be anything other than Chantelle Lane, a nurse on Keller. Can you say the same for yourself?" Chantelle questioned. "I don't claim to be a relationship expert but I can tell pain when I see it, be it physical or emotional. You are crippled by both. The physical pain that's left you trapped here with me, and the emotional pain that you don't seem to want to acknowledge"

"Maybe I don't want to acknowledge it because it hurts too damn much" Jac replied, turning away from the nurse. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes. She didn't want to give in to them. Giving in to them meant acknowledging the fact that she was wrong.

"But it'll hurt more if you don't" Chantelle answered. Her voice was soft and even. She too looked out at the night sky. "You're trying to be strong and pretend that everything is fine and dandy, but all you're doing is hurting yourself" Jac breathed slowly, trying to gain control of herself.


End file.
